Yesterday, I updated you on a couple of areas where I was finding some success. Important things like winning my fantasy football league…more specifically, beating my sister in my fantasy football league. Today, it is time for true confessions.
When we decided that one of us was going to work outside the home to bring in income and one of us was going to stay home to take care of children…and then we determined that we would rather live on a business executive salary, rather than a social worker salary…I became responsible for securing the appropriate healthcare for our precious girls. You know, taking them to the doctor and the dentist for regular check-ups, getting them their immunizations, etc. So, mostly I have done that…particularly in the early years when I was still afraid that I was going to break them and when the peditricians were mostly still older than me. In recent years, my husband and I have debated the importance of flu shots (he always gets one, me rarely.) Finally, a couple of years ago, one of the girls got the flu and I vowed to get the whole family flu shots from then on. And I did….for one whole year.
So, here we are, another winter season upon us. Steve and baby girl have had the flu shot. Me and big girl have NOT had the flu shot. The reasons for this are myriad, but all boil down to my worst habit, procrastination. And now, guess who is miserably sick with the flu? You got it; my sweet 15 year old is on her 4th day of fever. In fact, she performed the last performance of her first play at her high school with a raging fever of over 102 degrees. I feel horrible, as you might imagine and secretly hope I get the flu as well, just to share in her suffering. Ok, that is probably a bit melodramatic, but she is SO sweet and never complains and well, I just feel awful for her!! In reality, I know that me being sick with the flu will probably torture all of them more than me, so I am actually washing my hands until they bleed in an effort to NOT get the flu, but you get the picture!
So, here are just a few of the other things that I feel guilty about in terms of my performance as mom of these two precious girls: I always mean to do family Advent devotions each Christmas season and don’t, I want my kids to see Europe and they haven’t yet and conversely, they live with way too much affluence and privilege and we spoil them, they aren’t learning how to handle money in a healthy manner because we always forget to give them their allowance, they both have messy rooms and I don’t stay on them and make them keep them clean and they will probably both have roommate issues in college and when they get married, I don’t play enough board games with them, they don’t have enough responsibility, they have too many activities, I never had them try another instrument, I let them quit piano too early, I’m not teaching them to recycle, I haven’t mailed the thank you notes that I made them write after Christmas (sitting on my desk for almost a month now,) neither of them eat enough vegetables, and we totally sucked at being the Tooth Fairy. That is just a really short list of the first things that popped into my head…I am quite sure that I could come up with another couple paragraphs if I took a little more time.
Anybody else? Fellow mommies, what provokes your Mommy guilt?
And no comments from any daddies about how guilt is a waste of energy and then all sorts of advice about how to fix it. This is about venting…us girls need time to process!