So, why did I name my blog “Seeking Him?” I am so glad you asked! I think, maybe, that is what this whole blog thing is about…seeking God. Apparently, this all started for me on March 27, 1973. That is the day, according to a notation in my mom’s Bible, that I invited Jesus into my life and my heart. I was 8 years old. Early in my journey, I think I sought Him primarily as a compass; a guide for figuring out who I was and who I wanted to become. When my family fell apart during my adolescence, I think I sought Him for comfort…a port in the storm. During the arrogance and anger of my late teens and early 20s, I wanted answers. I wanted Him to prove Himself to me…allow me to summarize my beliefs about Him into a neat little one page outline…make Him into a God of my understanding. And the journey continued…
During all these stages, in good ways and bad ways, I never stopped seeking Him. I would get distracted by other things for a while, but I always came back to seeking His presence. What I have come to understand in recent years, is that it wasn’t me seeking Him at all. Seeking Him was never my idea…any thought I ever had about Him, was because He first thought of me (1 John 4:19.) He was actually pursuing me all those years! He wired me to walk around with a God shaped hole in my heart that, even though I tried to fill it with other things and other people, could only be filled by Him. He wouldn’t be summarized, or categorized into a convenient accessory in my life. He wouldn’t be boiled down to some sort of simplified version of Himself that I could comfortably understand and predict. So I gave up chasing after Him, so that He would be able to catch me. I quit searching for the Truth, so the Truth could find me. As Sara Groves says in her AWESOME song “Conversations”:
“I would like to share with you what makes me complete, I don’t claim to have found the Truth, but I Know that It found me.”
So, back to our original question, what does this have to do with blogging? As I said yesterday, writing is how I clear all the noise out of my brain so I can hear what God is saying to me. Through writing it down, I find my way to what was there all the time. Him! Ever since March 27, 1973…or maybe even before. Along with studying His word, surrounding myself with Christian friends, and prayer, writing it down leads me back to where He is waiting to speak to me. Where He is waiting to be found! “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Isn’t He awesome?!